Disturbing Fic Unleashed
by Shinimegami Sky
Summary: This is a humor fic made by me and LewsTherininsanity. It was around 2 a.m., we had a convo on AIM with Sora, Riku, Kairi and a few others. Features Bob the cannibal, and Nekri the bacon lovin insane demon. WARNING: Squirrels will devour your soul.
1. Magic Cannibalism Fun!

Authors Notes: This is a little humor fic that was done by two people at around two in the morning, so that's probably why it's a little screwed up, heh heh. We were talking on AIM, the convo just became funny, insane, and weird, but mostly funny, so we decided to make it into a fic. The two people who made this would be myself (Sky) of course, and LewsTherinInsanity, (Crazy). Sky and Crazy are only our nicknames. We basically used some of the characters from Kingdom Hearts, plus ourselves, and two of Crazy's alter egos, which is probably why it's so screwed up, lol. And then there's Bob the cannibal but I don't know where the hell he came from. Due to the fact that most of this was originally a convo, it may start and end weirdly, but who cares. To understand some things in this story, like the Preparation H incident and the beer, you'd have to read this one humor fic that isn't posted yet, but in the making. And you'd only get the thing about Tetra if you read my fic called Found But Still Lost. OK then, enjoy!   
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Kingdom Hearts. Sora's tied up behind me but sadly I don't own him...yet, mwahahaha! OK just kidding. We only own the disturbing plot (if there was one*Snicker*) and ourselves, plus Nekri, Keirlin, and Bob. Got it? Ok, on with it now!   
  
*******************************************************************************************************************************  
  
It starts out Sky, Crazy, Sora, Nekri, and Keirlin are sitting around bored as hell.  
  
Sky: "Sooooo...what do you guys wanna do?"  
  
Crazy: *Sarcastically* "Go as insane as Nekri is all the time..."  
  
Nekri: "Who's insane? I'M INSANE!!!"   
  
Sora: "Yes now shut the hell up."  
  
Nekri: "Rrrrr." *Pounces on Sora and begins to bite his hair*   
  
Keirlin: "Not again."   
  
Sora: "You are aware the gel in my hair is toxic right?"  
  
Nekri: "Oh so that's why I feel so light-headed..."  
  
Sora: "Dumbass."  
  
Sky: *Snickers*  
  
Keirlin: "Try not to make him go unconcious, then I'll go insane, remember?"  
  
Sky: "Right"   
  
Sora: "It was his fault."  
  
Nekri: *Begins to stumble about and mutter* "Where's my puppy...?  
  
Keirlin: "Where did you get a puppy?"  
  
Nekri: *Is no longer high on Sora's hair gel* "Where's Riku? I wanna make him insecure."  
  
Sora: "Yeah, I havta pay him back for the Preparation H incident. *Evil grin* (Preparation H incident is another story, I'll tell you later)   
  
Riku: "What was that, Sora?! *Grins and has Sora in a headlock.*  
  
Nekri: "That was quite amusing... Hey Sora...want some beer? *Snickers*  
  
Sora: *As he struggles to get out of Riku's grasp* "Shut the hell up! You don't even know anything about that incident."  
  
Nekri: "Wanna bet 500 dollars?"  
  
Sora: "I don't have 55 dollars dumbass."  
  
Keirlin: "Hey everyone! Meet my friend, Bob the Inconnu......He's a cannibal by the way."  
  
Bob: "I'm hungry."   
  
Sora: "Damn it."  
  
Riku: "Hey, Bob, they're havin people for free at the Piggly Wiggly a thousand miles away from here."  
  
Bob: "Right.....You're an idiot ya know that?"  
  
Riku: "Damn, you're smarter than I thought."  
  
Bob: "They have a shoe sale going on there though."  
  
Riku: *Stares* "I'm smarter than you think dumbass..."  
  
Bob: "Suuuurrrrreee..."  
  
Sora: "Really now..."  
  
Riku: "Shut up, Sora."  
  
Bob: "Well you might be, right now I'm thinking you have just enough IQ points to let you breath."  
  
Riku: "And you only have enough to piss yourself."  
  
Bob: "Snappy comeback from someone who still wets the bed."  
  
Riku: "That's Sora remember."  
  
Sora: "Riku!!!....Hey where'd Sky go? I wanna dance with her. *Snickers*   
  
Sky: "Oh God..." *Hides in corner*  
  
Sora: "Sky where are you?!"   
  
Bob: "Sora, she's over in the corner."  
  
Sora: "There you are!" *Picks up Sky and dances badly with her.*  
  
Sky: "Damn you, Bob."  
  
Keirlin: "Have you no respect, Bob?"   
  
Nekri: "Mmmm....bacon..."  
  
Riku: *Stares at Nekri strangely* "Riiiight..."  
  
Bob: "Hey, Riku, want some DSL cake?"  
  
Riku: "What the hell?"  
  
Bob: *Whispering to Sky* It's actually cake laced with LSD, but he doesn't need to know that."  
  
Riku: "No I'm fine, but I think Nekri wants some."  
  
Nekri: "Bacon..."  
  
Sky: "Man, Riku, I wish you WERE dumb enough to eat it. I need a good laugh..."  
  
Bob: "Hey, Riku....You still like Kairi, right?"  
  
Riku: "Hell no, I wouldn't like that demonic giggling battery operated Barbie if you paid me."  
  
Keirlin: "Let's pretend you didn't say that." *Snickers*  
  
Riku: "What the hell are you thinking?"  
  
Kairi: "HI EVERYONE!"   
  
Keirlin: "Heh heh."   
  
Sora: "NOOO! NOT INSANE GIGGLING CHICK OF DOOM!" *Hides behind Sky.*  
  
Riku: "WTF how'd she get here?! God help me..."  
  
Bob: "Kairi, why don't you go...talk...with Riku." *Snickers*  
  
Nekri: "I laugh at Riku..."  
  
Riku: "No! Damn it, Bob, I'll kill you."  
  
Kairi: "Hey Riku!"  
  
Riku: "Riku's not here. He's somewhere else, like, Wal-Mart, or somethin...So go there."  
  
Kairi: "I know you're there silly." *Goes over and plays with Riku's hair.*  
  
Riku: "Get the fuck away from me demon child who giggles annoyingly!!!"  
  
Keirlin: "Hee hee."  
  
Kairi: "Aww I know you don't mean it." *Begins giggling uncontrollably*  
  
Riku: *Lying* "Ya know this isn't Riku, Kairi."  
  
Kairi: "Huh...?"  
  
Riku: "Yeah, this is really, Ansem, yeah. He posessed my body... again."  
  
Kairi: *Will believe even the stupidest lie* "NOOO!!! NOT MY RIKUUUU!!!  
  
Riku: "Sora, help me!"  
  
Sora: "I'm not goin near her!" *Stills hides behind Sky*  
  
Kairi: "Oh well...At least there's still Sora." *Walks over to Sora and begins to play with his hair.*  
  
Sora: "No damn it!!!"   
  
Sky: *Glares at Kairi* "Uhh, Kairi, Riku's lying. SO GO PLAY WITH HIS HAIR!"   
  
Kairi: "Ok." *Goes back to Riku and plays with his hair.*   
  
Riku: "Damn..."  
  
Sora: *Hugs Sky.* THANK YOU, SKY!"   
  
Sky: *Smiles* No problem."   
  
Bob: "I'm hungry...Silver-haired idiots taste good....RIKU! C'MERE!"  
  
Riku: "No damn it, get the hell away from me!!!"  
  
Bob: *Takes out fork and knife and advances on Riku.*  
  
Riku: *Runs like hell.* "Keep away from me or else damn it!"  
  
Bob: "Ya wanna piece of me? I WANNA PIECE OF YOU!" *Chases Riku*  
  
Kairi: *Stares at the ground like an idiot.*  
  
Riku: "NOW will you help me, Sora?!"  
  
Sora: *Snickers* "No."  
  
Riku: "Sky?!"  
  
Sky: "Sorry, this is too entertaining."  
  
Keirlin: *Casts Haste on Bob and Slow on Riku.* "Heee heee."  
  
Riku: "Damn you, Keirlin!!!" *Runs slower*  
  
Keirlin: "Magic is the best."  
  
Sky: "I know."  
  
Bob: *Catches up to Riku and begins munching on his hand.*  
  
Kairi: *Continues to stare at the ground.*  
  
Riku: "Ow!" *Summons Keyblade and knocks Bob off.*  
  
Bob: *Fights Riku with his fork and knife.*  
  
Riku: *Fights, then runs.*  
  
Keirlin: *Casts Stop on Riku.*  
  
Riku: "DAMN YOU KEIRLIN!"   
  
Nekri: "Bacon..."  
  
Sky: "Shut up, Nekri."  
  
Bob: *Resumes munching on Riku's hand.*  
  
Riku: "Damn it, why do I bother...?"  
  
Kairi: *Stops looking at the ground and stares at the sky.*  
  
Bob: "Mmmm...tasty."  
  
*Tetra Runoso from my fic called Found But Still Lost suddenly appears outta nowhere.*   
  
Tetra: "Get away from him dumbass!!!" *Beats Bob off with a stick.*  
  
Bob: "Nooo!!! Not her!! *Runs like a scared rabbit.*  
  
Tetra: "Ha! Run cannibal boy run!!!   
  
Keirlin: *Casts Stop on Bob.*  
  
Bob: "NOOO!!!"   
  
Tetra: *Remembers Riku.* "You ok, Riku?!"  
  
Riku: "A little traumitized but yeah I'm fine. *Hugs Tetra.* "Thank you!!!"  
  
Tetra: *Hugs back* "No problem! Bye, gotta go now." *Riku says bye and she disappears.*  
  
Kairi: *Stares at sky.*  
  
Nekri: "Is Kairi stupid?"  
  
Sky: "No she's just special."  
  
Kairi: *Begins drooling*  
  
Sky: *Stares* "REALLY special..."  
  
Bob: "Help me...I'm still stopped."  
  
Sora: "Good."   
  
Keirlin: "Shut up, Bob."   
  
Kairi: *Walks over and pokes Bob.*  
  
Riku: *Snickers* "Ya know, kairi, Bob told me he really likes you."  
  
Kairi: "REALLY?!?!?! HI BOB!!!  
  
Crazy: "That was just mean."  
  
Riku: "Wasn't it though...*Snickers*...like I care..."  
  
Kairi: *Starts playing with Bob's hair*  
  
Bob: "Help me, for the love of God help me."   
  
Sora, Sky, and Riku: *Snicker* "No."   
  
Bob: "I can't move..."  
  
Riku and Sora: "Good!"   
  
Keirlin: "Ah this is funny."  
  
Sky: "I agree."  
  
Nekri: "Hey, Kairi, Bob said he wants to kiss you." *Grins malevolently.*  
  
Bob: "No...God no..."  
  
Sora, Sky, and Riku: *Snicker*  
  
Kairi: "Really??? YAAAAYYYY!" *Starts kissing Bob.*  
  
Bob: "If there was any mercy in you you'd help me..."  
  
Sky: *Looks for mercy in herself towards Bob.* "Nope, nuthin."  
  
Keirlin, Nekri, and Crazy: "No one here got any either."  
  
Sora: "Glad it's not me..."  
  
Riku: "Me too."  
  
Keirlin: "I'm just glad we got front row seats."   
  
Sora, Sky, and Riku: "Yep, heh heh."  
  
Bob: *Horrified.* Damn it..."   
  
One hour, thirteen minutes, and five and a half seconds later...  
  
Sky: *Yawns.* "Well I'm goin home now. Bye! Come on, Sora."  
  
Sora: "Seeya later!" *Follows Sky.*  
  
Riku: "Not a bad idea. Think I'll go home myself." *Leaves*  
  
Nekri, Keirlin, Crazy agree and go home themselves. Kairi is left there kissing a VERY traumitized Bob.  
  
Several years later....Bob and Kairi are married and have six and a half Barbie cannibal babies who run on Duracel AA's. Kairi is very happy, and Bob is trying to commit suicide. Sora still lives with Sky for some odd reason, possibly due to the fact that his mother hates him and he's still scared of the closet in his room. Nekri now lives in what he calls, "Pretty white room with soft cushy walls and a mirror so I can stare at myself eating bacon. They gave me a pretty white jacket too. It's a little tight on my arms though." And who knows what the hell happened to Crazy and Keirlin. The end!!!~  
  
******************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Sky's Notes: Told you it was screwed up....But that's just the way me and Crazy are!!! *grins* 


	2. Bacon, Trees, and a Squirrel, Oh My!

Wow...I like, didn't think I was EVERRRR gonna put this up for the second chapter o_0 But I got bored and felt like it...so here it tis! Teh second chapter of Disturbing Fic Unleased! Written by my love Crazy and I, with the help of our many many voices! Actually... this here chapter was written a LOOONG time ago...like, quite a few months ago... *Cough* Ok I'll let ye get to the readin now!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sky: *Ties bacon to a string and throws it out on the middle of the ground to see if she can lure Nekri out... is also very bored, as you can tell*  
  
Nekri: I SHMELL BACON!  
  
Sora: Of course you do, Nekri. At least...THAT'S WHAT THE MUNCHKINS WANT YOU TO THINK!  
  
Nekri: Munchkins...? I like donuts... BACON DONUTS!  
  
Sky: That would be an odd tasting combo.... Anyway, Sora, you're paranoid again, aren't you?  
  
Sora: _ Noooo...  
  
Nekri: LIES!  
  
Sky: You've been watching that movie "When munchkins on pogosticks attack" again, haven't you?!  
  
Crazy: Now now, Nekri, just because the White Coats let you have the day off doesn't mean you can throw away five years of therapy....*mutters* For all of us...  
  
Sora: _  
  
_   
  
Meep! *runs from Sky*  
  
Sky: Boy never learns....  
  
Kierlin: *Poofs in* Obviously...  
  
Sky: Well if it isn't, um...you...yeah. Magic boy.  
  
Kierlin: They had it on eBay! *Has been spending far too much time with Nekri*  
  
Sky: So that's where Sora came from....  
  
Crazy: I thought he was a K-Mart kinda person _  
  
Sora: *Comes back running towards Sky thinking he's escaping her*  
  
Sky: Perhaps..... *Grabs Sora by the back of the shirt as he runs by and tosses him in the lake* Or maybe it was Wal-Mart...  
  
Nekri: *Throws a piece of bacon at Sora*  
  
Kierlin: Or maybe, just maybe, it was a yard sale... *Watches Sora get hit with bacon*  
  
Sora: *Goes hurtling into the lake* AHHHH! *Gets hit by the bacon* D'OH! *Splashes*  
  
Sky: Could be...  
  
Crazy: The lack of bubblewrap might explain certain things...  
  
Sky: Indeed...  
  
Sora: *Whistles under water*   
  
Sky: HEY THAT'S ILLEGAL....wait, we're not in Vermont...are we? _  
  
Kierlin: I think we're in Riku's head...  
  
Sky: *Looks behind her* Riku has a lake in his head?  
  
Crazy: Ya never know what people put up their noses when they're small....  
  
Riku: *Looks around nervously* I can hear them....the voices... *Shifty eyes and starts sweating* NOOO, THE MUNCHKINS ARE BACK, MOMMY! *Curls up in the corner and starts rocking*  
  
Sky: Anyway, I wonder how long Sora can stay underwater like that...  
  
Crazy: *Throws a rock into the water* Chances are he'll come up.... sooner or later.  
  
Sky: Seeing as his brain is similar to styrofoam, indeed he should.  
  
Sora: *Gets hit by the rock* OWIE! *Jumps outta the water*  
  
Crazy: Nekri, permission to chew on Sora's head. QUICKLY, BEFORE HE STOPS BEING AS CONFUSED AS HE IS!  
  
Nekri: *Jumps at Sora and attempts to eat the hair off his head*  
  
Sora: What the-?! Did you not learn from last time that my hair gel is toxic, Nekri?  
  
Nekri: Mmm..... it burrrrnnnsss....  
  
Sora: *Throws a piece of bacon and watches as Nekri follows it* SKY!!! You're gonna get it!  
  
Sky: *Blink* What'd I do?  
  
Sora: You threw me in the lake where only who knows what resides! And besides... you know I can't swim without my Sesame Street arm floaties ;.;  
  
Crazy: Neap tides, Sora, neap tides. *Hides cookie dough in Sora's pockets*  
  
Sora: *Blink* Yeah...um...ok... *Turns attention back to Sky* Anyway, you're like, gonna get it now...and stuff! _  
  
Sky: Are you going to blink me to death or something?  
  
Sora: DAMN...you figured out my plan _ *Runs over, grabs Sky and tosses her in the lake* Ha!  
  
Crazy: *GASPA* Sora, there are beetles in your hair! *Goes and takes Sky out of the lake*  
  
  
  
Sora: WHAT?!?! *Runs around frantically* GET EM OUT, GET EM OUT, GET EM OOOOOUUUUUT! *Stops, takes some of the cookie dough that was stuffed in his pockets and eats it* Mmm.... GET EM OUT! *Proceeds running around frantically again*  
  
Nekri: *Hides the newly discovered bacon-bug in Sora's ear*  
  
Sky: Bleh...Danke, Crazy... *Glares at Sora* LET ME AT 'IM!  
  
Sora: o_O  
  
Crazy: *Steps back from the immediate danger zone, AKA Sora*  
  
Sora: *Sees Sky* _ *Runs* AHH! *Jumps into lake* Haha you won't get in the water just to get meee! *Sticks out tongue*  
  
Sky: I guess you forgot how much I love swimming... C'MERE, SORA! *Jumps in*  
  
Sora: *Screams like a Barbie* AHHHHHH!  
  
Sky: *Catches up with Sora and starts beating him over the head with a random beaver*  
  
Sora: Ow! Ooh! Eee!   
  
Kierlin: *Casts Slow on Sora* Woops _  
  
Sky: *Looks kinda odd beating a slow-motion Sora with a beaver* Ok I'm done. *Starts to get out of lake*  
  
Crazy: *Laughs at Sora*  
  
Sora: *Spell wears off due to his immense power of stupid, and grabs Sky's leg and pulls her back in, then jumps out.* Haha!!! I'M A GODDAMN SCREAMING FAIRY! *Runs into the woods running into random trees that pop up out of nowhere, or so he thinks*  
  
Sky: o.o *Goes back underwater* Meep-!  
  
Crazy: *Cannonballs into the water* MOOGLES BELOW!  
  
Sky: *Hears a loud splash above and looks up to see Crazy* *Finds it funny how she can sit there underwater*  
  
Crazy: *Looks under rocks for Sora's brain*  
  
Sky: *Suddenly realizes she can't breath...hmm, who'da thought? Swims back up to the surface quickly* BLAH! Dear God... I need to remember that air is my frrriiiieeennnd...   
  
Crazy: *Finds an old still wrapped Twix, floats up to the top* This could double as Sora's brain!  
  
Sky: Only bigger!  
  
Crazy: Now to assemble my bird army of DOOM!  
  
Sky: I wonder where the heck Sora went...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sora: *Somewhere in the woods trying to figure out how to get past a tree that won't get out of his way* MOVE IT, TREE! Are you even listening?!  
  
Nekri: *Is suddenly behind Sora* YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACON!!  
  
Sora: Oh, really?!  
  
Nekri: *Hands Sora some turkey* I don't trust you with mah BACON! So you get the turkey.  
  
Sora: Sweeeeeeet! *Puts the turkey on his head and grins/giggles* Oh, right... *Puts the turkey in a hole in the tree* There ya go!  
  
Tree: *Drops seventeen dead branches on Sora*  
  
Sora: OOMPH! *Twitch* x_X  
  
Random carnivorus squirrel: *Runs by and steals the turkey while making squirrely noises*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crazy: Now that was interesting.... *Goes back to swimming*  
  
Sky: Yup... *Dives underwater only to see the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland* What the-?  
  
White rabbit: I'm late! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! For, um....something... And no it's not the Micheal Jackson convention! *Shifty eyes....runs off into deeper water randomly*  
  
Disembodied voice: Follow the white fish - DOH! I forgot to read the script again... I meant to say, "FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT!" or was it white rapper...?  
  
Sky: I ain't followin that thing... Nor would I follow Eminem...*Blink* *Swims back up to surface*  
  
Crazy: I think that Riku's mind is quite hazardous. Like.... English class. Or Sora behind the wheel.  
  
Sky: *Nods* Or munchkins on pogo sticks... *Gets idea and grins* Mwaha. *Goes underwater, grabs Crazy's leg and pulls him under*  
  
Crazy: Eep! *Goes under*  
  
Crazy: *In turn, grabs Sky's ankle and attempts to flip them underwater*  
  
Sky: Whoa, mister!  
  
Crazy: *Wonders how Sky can speak underwater*  
  
Sky: I'm special _ And like, uh, magical and stuff...yeah...  
  
Crazy: Good point.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sora: *Now playing cards with a squirrel in order to get through the woods*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sky: Yup... _ *Grabs Crazy's shoulders and pushes him further underwater* _ Mwaha!  
  
Crazy: *Goes above Sky and pushes her under himself*  
  
Crazy: Victory!  
  
Sky: *Mutters in her head* Cheater...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sora: *To the squirrel* I will give you three nuts if you let us pass!  
  
Squirrel: *Makes squirrley noises*  
  
Sora : Aww, come on! *Looks at Nekri* Why are we even trying to get through the woods...?  
  
Nekri: The cat in the hat told us to!  
  
Sora: OH YEAH!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sky: Hey, Crazy, guess what!  
  
Crazy: Umm... Tommy got launched into the sun?  
  
Sky: I WISH! _ But no.... _ *Throws a fish at Crazy and quickly dives underwater*  
  
Crazy: *Fished*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author's Notes: And so ends chapter two! Will Sora ever get through the forest? Will Crazy reek of fish now? Will Sky undoubtedly forget she requires oxygen and drown? Will Nekri get taken back by the White Coats...again? Will I ever stop asking these questions? NO! MWAHA! _ Ok ok, I'd like to thank...whoever reviewed.... *Too lazy to go back and look* So yeah, THANK J00! *Bows and exits*  
  
~*~Sky 


End file.
